The Chain
by wbelisabeth
Summary: Callie/Arizona Songfic post 6x20. Again, deals with the baby drama.


**Title:** The Chain  
**Author:** wbelisabeth  
**Disclaimer:** All copyrighted materials referenced in this fic are not mine. This is all for entertainment purposes, I make no money out of any of my fics. Any real people, events, places etc are mentioned in a purely fictional context.

**Summary:** Inspired by 'The Chain' by Ingrid Michaelson. The two lines 'glide away on soapy heels' and 'I can't seem to operate' are what made me love this song and I've been waiting to be able to use it (I've written this so many ways and it hasn't worked) and now I can... so here it is.  
**Words:** About 2000  
**Rating:** PG-13 (for a few words)  
**Type: **This is a one-shot. It's complete.

The sky looks as pissed as I am right now. I am pissed off. I am so very pissed off at the world. At the universe. At God even. Why did you give me such a wonderful gift, only to have it ripped from me? The sudden icy wind adds to my biting anger and it chills me to the core just as her words did. The cold makes my bones creep and shift in my skin a little as I think about it our final words as lovers.

"I can't let you give it all up for me."

"I don't need it. I need you."

"Callie, you don't need me. You are a talented, kind and beautiful woman." The 'Callie' lets me know I am going to lose.

"I want you."

"I don't want you."

I know why she said it. I know that she was lying. I know that it was a bunch of crap and I should have fought, but she seemed as devastated as I did. I didn't want to hurt her anymore than I already had. She was right. I was stunned at her confession. I was stunned that she who wears those ridiculous shoes and plays around with children all day could not want children of her own. I tried to force her into a box. She had to fit into my idea of the world. I assumed there had to be something wrong with her.

Eventually I realized that she just didn't want them. After fighting all day, after too long, I realized that it was just something that she didn't want. I sat in that lounge after she'd left. A familiar scene it was… Her yelling at me because I refused to listen, just like George joining the army. After she left, I sat there and thought about it until my brain hurt. I wanted to give them up for her. To choose Arizona over kids. And when I made the decision… it was hard to face. But I did, because I would give up anything for her.

But she wouldn't let me.

I walk into the apartment, happy to be home, but saddened that after 13 days 18 hours and 3 and a half minutes her presence still lingers here. I drop my bag and immediately pour a drink. White wine. I don't even like it. I don't even like it, but she did. The sooner I get rid of it, the sooner I have one less thing reminding me of her. I could throw it out, tip it down the sink, but this way it seems more poetic. Tragically poetic. That's me.

I hesitate before going into my bedroom, having walked in there the past 12 nights and having a sense of something wrong. The bed doesn't seem to fit. Nothing seems to align. It all seems off kilter. My whole life seems off kilter. Scratch that. My whole life _is_ off kilter.

Don't get me started on surgery. For so long surgery has been my salvation. The one thing that I am truly good at. The one thing I can hold onto. The one thing that can get me out of any slump I have. Until now. Now… now, I can not seem to operate. I look over to the table and I see the picture of us. I can't bring myself to pack it away or throw it out. I can't seem to do anything

"You, my love, have gone." I can't stand her looking at me anymore. I place the frame face down and hope that it'll erase her from my life magically. It doesn't.

The first surgery I had after she left me here in this very bedroom was a fairly simple pin and plate placement. My surgery was set days before and Lexie Grey was to assist me. Luckily she had studied the procedure a lot. When my scrub nurse turned on my music, it took me seconds to realize that hearing the song 'Arizona' by Kings of Leon less than 12 hours after you had just broken up with a girl called Arizona was _not_ a good thing. I know the song is pretty much inappropriate for Arizona, or anything related to Arizona, but it had always reminded me of her just the same.

Upon hearing the song, hearing her voice in my head and seeing a flash of her beautiful face in my memory, my hands started to shake. My steady surgeon hands, shook. That's what she does to me.

Lexie Grey really hit the big time with that surgery. May as well have been a solo surgery. As I finished overseeing Lexie's good work, I looked up to the gallery to see a flash of blonde curls glide away around the corner.

There is a knock at the door, it brings me back to reality. Somewhere I would rather not be. I pray to God and anyone else who is listening that it will be Arizona on the other side. I would open the door and welcome her back into my arms in an instant. I slide the chain across and open the door. No Arizona. Just Mark and a six pack of beers.

We sit on the couch and talk.

"You'll find someone else."

"I'm sure." I look at my beer.

"You will love again Cal."

I don't answer. I'll never say I'll never love again. Doesn't mean that I am not thinking it.

"You deserve to be happy. You will be happy."

I will never be as happy as I could be with her. I don't answer again. I just continue staring at my beer. He keeps talking and I keep not talking. It seems I am really good at not saying a lot of things.

I wake up the next morning with a hangover. I try and recall how I got in this state. I look over at Mark who is in the bed next to me and I panic. Really panic.

I don't feel like I've had drunken sex with my ex-fuck-buddy, but my whole body is aching and that concerns me. I quickly look under the covers and am relieved to find myself in the clothes I left the hospital in last night, but even more relieved to see that Mark is also fully clothed in the clothes he was wearing last night.

As much as I can accept that Arizona and I are over… or rather, pretend that I can accept Arizona and I are over, Mark and I getting together, even just once would undermine what I had with her. Drunk or not.

Judging by the pounding in my head and the aforementioned aching body, obviously the bottle of tequila after the beers was a bad idea.

I get up and have a shower, dragging myself into the hospital. I didn't bother waking Mark, he's big enough to look after himself.

With my recent aversion to surgery, which is slightly difficult aversion to have when that is what you are paid to do, I decide to take up a seat at the main nurses station near the main surgery wing and chart. Usually I would be annoyed and grumpy about it, but it happened that Arizona was helping out on one of Teddy's cases and I got the opportunity to stare at her, all stalker-like for a few minutes.

I feel a little torn between sad that she is looking so happy, or happy that she is looking so happy. It's weird, but despite everything my happiness is still linked with hers. I'm still invested in seeing her happy.

She starts coming out of the room with Teddy and out of the corner of my eye I see Mark approaching from around the other corner. He calls out loudly and obnoxiously.

"Torres, I swear to God you better get a new bed, until you do no more sleepovers."

My eyes go wide. I turn around to see Arizona's face completely changed from 15 seconds ago. All the happiness had evaporated and what was left were eyes as wide as mine along with an open mouth. She changes direction the moment she sees me looking at her. I am going to kill Mark Sloan.

"Arizona w-" I look at the sign on the floor and realise that she definitely wouldn't have seen the sign otherwise she wouldn't have shifted her weight to the wheels in her shoes. For a few seconds she glides away on soapy heels until she falters. I try and make my way over but she's on the floor before I can get near her. I see her wincing in pain and help her up.

"Callie, I'm fine."

"We are getting an x-ray and that is that."

"Fine. I want another doctor."

"Well you can't have one - so deal."

"It's probably just sprained… look I can walk on it promise."

She takes a step and crumbles completely under the pain. Promise my ass.

Without knowing it, I'm taken back to her last promise to me… I was still working at Mercy West at the time and I missed her so much during the day. I planned a romantic dinner for two, where I cooked her favorite dish and lit candles and we talked about a lot of things but one topic came up and proved interesting – we talked about our fears.

"I'm scared of spiders." I laugh. I know that one, the episode where Cristina, Arizona and I were squealing and Owen had to come in and pick the spider up, pretty much demonstrates it in full color. He didn't even kill it. He 'released it back into the wild'. Crazy man.

"That's a rational fear. They kill people."

"No like… baby ones too. Tiny tiny ones. Even those daddy-long-legs ones that are completely harmless. I hate them. When I see them I feel that gross itchy feeling all over my body." She makes a scrunched up face, disgusted at the though. "What about you?"

"Abandonment. Everyone leaves. My first boyfriend. My ex-husband. My first girlfriend. Now my father. I fear being left alone."

"I can promise you won't ever be alone."

We had been skirting around saying the 'L' word at that stage… it wasn't a few days later we called each other girlfriends, but we had seemed much more than that. I actually thought that she had meant that she would never leave me, and now I feel a little foolish.

I pick up Arizona who is doubled over in pain and carry her to the nearest spare bed. She tries to protest but the pain is really taking most of her concentration.

"Well Arizona, maybe you need to promise not to promise anymore, because honestly… you suck at it. You kind of deserve the fall though. Running away and not listening what I have to say."

She looks up at me in question, definitely hurt.

"You've moved on, I get it, I don't have to like it but I get it." All I can do is shake my head. Moved on? Does she even know what she does to me? Obviously not. I realise I shouldn't be so harsh with an injured person, let alone the love of my life. "Is it just your left leg that hurts?" I say as I put a little pressure on different points of her leg.

She looks up at me and I see the pain instantly. Her brow is creased and tears have made her eyes shimmer. I move to cup her face and once she leans into it, I see the tears fall.

"You are going to be ok Arizona."

"Am I, am I really?" Her tone tells me that she isn't talking about her leg.

"Let's get this fixed up, ok?"

A few hours later I have looked over her x-ray's only to discover that she requires some pins in her foot. A routine surgery. A routine surgery that I will not be performing.

"Dr Howard is coming up. Dr Avery is going to assist."

"No. No disrespect to James, but you are the orthopaedic surgeon I want on my case."

"No you don't."

"Oh… I see." I see her hurt expression and realise without a doubt that I am a big softie. No big bad ortho surgeon in sight.

"No you don't Arizona." I take a deep breath. "If you did see you would want Dr Howard on your case."

"I want the best. You are the best."

"I haven't been able to operate since we broke up. Happy?" She stares at me eyes wide. "I've been getting all the residents to do the cutting and basically giving them solo surgeries. My hands are unsteady. So no… you don't want me. OK?"

Her jaw has dropped and she looks into my eyes and searches them to ensure what I have told her is the truth.

"Besides that you know as well as I do, we are not able to cut open our loved ones."

"So you still love me?"

"That is the stupidest question that has ever come out of your mouth. You are the one that broke up with me. You think after 14 days I can just magically forget about you?"

"Well you seem to be doing a good job with Mark."

"Ok, well I take it back – _that_ is the stupidest thing, I have ever heard come out of your mouth. I woke up next to Mark this morning in my bed. You heard that much this morning. What you didn't hear was that we had collapsed into bed after drinking ourselves stupid because of you and Lexie. We woke up the same way we went to bed: Fully clothed. I don't know what your fascination with Me and Mark is but it has got to stop. I am not over you and I don't solve my problems with inappropriate sex." Well, not anymore. I can't believe that this day is happening. Nightmare about covers it.

"You haven't moved on?"

"Arizona, I'm here. I still am of the same opinion I was 2 weeks ago and when you decide you want me, I'll be here. I'm just going to say this once. So if you come around again, I will take the chain from off the door. Everytime. Everytime without a thought."


End file.
